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INTRODUCTION – Asking

I once subscribed to a full years course on the ‘music business’, and the basis behind the course was ‘how best to ask’. Sometimes we forget the simplicity of the benefits of just asking. We claim we are big mamma and pappa bears, we fend for ourselves, and we sometimes prefer to just muddle through without asking for help. Most of us are guilty of this at certain stages in our life.

Another reason for not ‘ASKING’ is our pride! Pride can be a beautiful moment, but it can also prevent us taking major steps forward in life.

Pride as with many emotions in our life take us on a rollercoaster ride. At these times your ability to make good judgments are rare.

I can remember my school days, where when a piece of the syllabus was taught, and I didn’t understand it, I forgot to ASK for it to be explained more fully. Can you see how ASKING can stop you moving forward in life. Sometimes embarrassment can prevent a question being asked. Sometimes you don’t want to look a fool. Sometimes cynicism can stop you asking. Wow! The list can go on and on…

It appears to be some animal instinct that we fight alone; we want to do everything ‘By Ourselves’. Whilst this can have its benefits, progress may take longer. You could be two, five or ten years behind the rest, simply because you will not ask. Okay, I acknowledge this as an extreme example, but you need to understand the principle.

To take you to another extreme, not asking can damage your health. How? Not asking could introduce the classic symptom of stress. Our own cynical attitudes often means that we ‘Discount Solutions before We Try Them’. So where do we get solutions from? By asking!

Experience is a beautiful part of life but not asking could prevent another equally appealing aspect enter your life.

You will still need to remember that, ‘If you are willing to ask, you must be willing to receive’. To become better at asking can only come with practice. You will be amazed at how enriched your life becomes.

2. STORY 1

Although this next short story isn’t the perfect illustration of asking, what it is however is a story about recognition. You will still be where you are now in twenty years if you don’t grow mentally.

Imagine how soon the job would have got done if the two central characters would have asked for help, before they were given help by default?

CALVES AND COMMON SENSE

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the famous nineteenth-century poet and essayist, was out one day trying to get a calf into the barn.

But he made the common mistake of thinking only of what he wanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled… But the calf stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture.

The Irish housemaid saw their predicament. She couldn't write essays and books; but on this occasion at least, she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson. She put her maternal finger in the calf's mouth, and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn.

The lesson is simple but profound: don’t allow your stubborn attitude to cloud your judgement, especially when consideringh what is the right thing to do next!

(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1936)

3. STORY 2

NOT ASKING SLOWS YOUR DAY

If you are a man and don’t like any form of shopping, then you’ll recognise this example.

When I have shopped for clothes in the past, I have shuffled through a selection of rails, selected the right size and style and bought it. I hadn’t even tried them on! Simply because I couldn’t see a sign for the changing rooms. I couldn’t be bothered to ask! How stupid.

When I’m shopping on my own, and I’m in a big shopping mall, I tend to be swift. So swift in fact that I can leave without buying anything. Then I go to another shopping precinct where I feel more comfortable. I am doing this simply because I don’t ask where things are kept.

Yesterday however, I went to the Central Library to research an article. I’m in my own ‘business’ time I couldn’t be doing with mooching around the library shelves looking for the subject in question, so I asked. Wow, I was out in ten minutes with the very book I needed.

(Andy Bolton)

WHERE ARE ALL THE ANSWERS?

To survive in business you need to be a ‘knower’ someone who understands the profession. I have read many journals and reports about successful businessmen, all of whom promote allocating about 10 – 20% per week on study. Surrounding each session of study are boundless questions, these questions need answering for the study to be of value.

So how do you get questions answered?! ASK

In any business finance is a tricky subject. I can recall my first few years in business, alone and nothing less than a martyr! But cash flow was poor.

A local businessman (millionaire) came into my office to give me some work. In our general chat he asked how my day had gone, I grunted and said, “No cheques in the post today”. “Do you need any help,” he asked.

So of course my questions flowed. I was taught a few little tricks that I still use today. If your cash flow is poor, no doubt your debts are also mounting. Add up all your debts, calculate a sensible weekly amount you can use to share amongst your debtors. Write to your debtors, announce you are experiencing cash flow problems and pay them a small contribution. If you bury your head long enough they’ll come and get you! Pay them a little and the pressure is off. Nothing too amazing, but by asking I prevented myself getting stressed out in my early twenties.

Don’t play at being a martyr, don’t refuse help, don’t try and go it alone. Too often a solution is never found if we muddle our way through life. Ask and you will receive.

(Andy Bolton)

4 RESPONDING TO YOUR QUESTIONS

QUESTION: “I take a college course in the evening and I’m 47 years old. The subject I enjoy, but for some reason I’m not being too successful with the homework. What am I doing wrong?”

ANSWER: There could be a multitude of reasons, too many to attempt to list. But reading between the lines of the rest of your email I will answer as thus:

You appear to live a full and busy life, but can I suggest that you appear to be battling against tiredness. Your college course, although interesting, may well be suffering from your exhausting day.

You must allow a certain degree of rest before tackling an important project, especially if you expect to get good results. Charging your batteries doesn’t always mean sleep or stillness. A half hour of enjoyable reading could equate to 2 or 3 hours sleep.

As for your homework can I suggest you take ‘time-out’ from your family, perhaps one hour to study the nuts and bolts of the necessary topic and prepare a rough layout of the text. Then approach it another day, bright and fresh to complete it.

Listening and focusing when you are tired is difficult; yet to look at it from a different perspective to ‘listen’ and ‘focus’ is REST.

A lazy day at home on your own with only your thoughts for comfort can result in being more tired than having an apparent busy and hectic day at work.

Try understanding this principle of RESTING in your work and practice it. If you need to mow the lawn, try paying particular attention to it. Use your senses. Smell the grass, feel the lawn mower vibrate, watch the tidy lawn evolve, hear the nature around you and taste the air. It will be a new experience; and more importantly it will be restful.

In this next story try and see the parallel to attentive listening and the power of rest that can be created:-

THE ARROW MAKER

In ancient times Dattatreya was walking along the street and a marriage procession came by. He stopped at the door of a shop where arrows were being made. The arrow maker was busy at his work and did not bother to look at the procession. After it had passed, Dattatreya wanted to know why the man had not enjoyed the merry procession. He asked if he had seen it. The arrow maker said no. He said he had not heard anything because he was busy shaping the point of the arrow.

(A Zen Story)

His full attention had been with the arrow, which made him oblivious to any other activity.

Have you ever witnessed a perfectionist at work? They appear to be ‘at one’ with their job and never aware of any onlookers. The parallel I’ve tried to illustrate here is the use of the words ‘full attention’. Full attention for the arrow maker, means his arrows are perfect, full attention for a listener means they hear everything and are perfect listeners.

5. PHILOSOPHICAL TIPS & QUOTES

“Asking is the beginning of receiving”.

“We don’t have problems, we have challenges…”

“Emotions will either serve or master, depending on who is in charge”.

PS: “The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your listening”

Bye for now.

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Phil Booker
Editor, Author, Businessman and Philosopher of Life.

 

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